


said too much (not enough)

by thedarknesswithin (babylxxrry)



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Study, if u wanna see it that way ig, kinda happy? idk it's hopeful if you wanna be specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 13:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/thedarknesswithin
Summary: But maybe they’d been more than that. Less than friends, but not enemies.[javi thinks about his relationship with yuzu, a few months after the olympics.]





	said too much (not enough)

**Author's Note:**

> i swear the fluffy yuzuvier is coming soon, this scene was just stuck in my head and i wanted to get it out  
> also the shoma thing is happening too i PROMISE i'll get my ass in gear
> 
> also i mention Marina as an OFC bc she’s not in it long enough to really matter and i don’t want to tag it as her bc i don’t know enough about her to characterize her at all
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy the angst  
> Ci

It’s the first time Javi’s been back to Toronto in almost three months. He hasn’t been back since before the Olympics. He hasn’t even stopped by long enough to do anything besides make arrangements for his apartment to be packed up and his stuff shipped back to Spain.

And now he’s here. He collects his baggage and heads through customs quickly. He’s not really sure what to expect, if anyone will be here to pick him up. He’d told Brian, who’d sent an acknowledgement but no promise. Nancy was away for the weekend. And Yuzu. He’d texted for the first time in two months, just a simple _Hey, Yuzu, I’m coming back over to Toronto to start training for Euros. I land at 10am on Thursday._ There’d been no reply, just as there hadn’t been for all of two months and a few days.

There’s no one waiting for him at Arrivals, so he turns towards the rental car stands. It stings a little, but Javi can’t say he’s surprised. Brian’s probably caught up with a student at TCC, and he wasn’t expecting Yuzu to show up anyways.

It’s not like Javi doesn’t know how much their relationship took a hit when he sprung the retirement news right before the medal ceremony, then snuck out in the middle of the night only to come back guilty before the gala, and then end up vanishing as soon as he could. It’s not like Javi doesn’t remember the cold one-word replies he’d gotten from Yuzu for a week after.

_I’m home_

_Good._

_How was your flight home?_

_Fine._

_Getting some rest?_

_Must._

_Let me guess, you don’t want to?_

_Hm._

And that’d been the extent of the conversation. Javi knows he hurt Yuzu, he really does, but at the same time, it’s not like they’d been all that close to begin with. They weren’t friends, not really, not by Javi’s ordinary definition of a friend. They’d hung out once or twice outside of the rink, but more often than not, they’d see each other for training, have fun, and then not talk until the next time they shared ice time. The thing is, Javi knows Yuzu always considered him a close friend, and it’s hard to reconcile that knowledge with the fact that they really, honestly, weren’t what could be considered traditional friends.

But maybe they’d been more than that. Less than friends, but not enemies. Not enemies, but at times bitter rivals. They’d connected in a strange way when they first met, two enthusiastic boys on their way to the top of the world. All Javi remembers of their first meeting is how Yuzu’s eyes shone bright at him from behind floppy bangs. He remembers Yuzu’s gaze burning hot on the back of his head, on his neck, on his skates, as he jumped triples, quads. Particularly quad sals. Yuzu always loved his quad sal.

Somewhere along the line, they’d matured into men, personalities diverging more from the eager youngster template and evolving to become who they are today. Javi likes to think he’s more relaxed, more willing to let loose a little, but still disciplined when it’s called for. He’s lost a bit of the youthful energy he knows used to drive him to fight for the podium each and every competition, even if he’d have to accomplish the impossible for any place, but he’s more steady now, more solid in his abilities and inabilities. He knows how far he can safely push himself, and that’s the most important trait to him as birthdays keep up their inevitable march.

Javi can speak for Yuzu better than he can himself, though. Yuzu grew out of the shyness, mostly. He’s kept a bit of the childish petulance and stubbornness that’s pushed him through too many injuries and bad skates, but his mind has matured beyond just the tough-it-out mentality that was his trademark as a teen. He, too, has learned what he can do with his body, and he’s not afraid to flaunt it in his programs. Quad after quad after quad, hydroplaning, the fucking Biellmans. His discipline on the ice is balanced with sass and laughter during breaks and free time. He’s grown into the beauty, power, and glory of his programs without losing the easy humbleness that marks him as who he is.

God. Javi shakes his head at himself on the highway. He sounds like he’s talking about his damn boyfriend or some shit.

Maybe that’s why Marina broke up with him. Maybe that’s why she’d sat him down one day, gave him a hug, and told him she was breaking up with him because he needed to get his shit together, before pecking him on the cheek and walking out with a little tear track on her face, head held high. Shit.

Shit.

That’s not good.

This is a bad time to realize that he’s maybe been lying to himself this whole time. Yuzu’s not really his friend, not an enemy, but he’s so much _more_ than either of those labels. He’s so precious to Javi. He inspires, challenges, grounds Javi. And the weight of that realization slams into Javi’s chest like a freight train.

He’s been taking Yuzu for granted. Fuck. He never meant to do that.

He pulls into the TCC parking lot and sits in the car for a few minutes. He’s not really sure why he ended up here, he’d originally meant to drive to the apartment he’d leased for the next few months.

If he’s here, though, he might as well go in and say hi.

He takes a deep breath, ignoring how wrong it feels to be walking in without his training duffle slung over his shoulder.

There’s a lone figure on the ice, and before Javi can even see their face or training gear, he knows it’s Yuzu, can tell by the sound of the stroke pattern alone. Brian’s probably somewhere on the boards, but he’s not who Javi wants to see right now.

Javi steps quietly to the boards, resting his arms on them and watching Yuzu’s familiar form flow easily around the rink. He’s working on some new step sequence or other, but it’s lacking the deliberate precision Javi’s used to seeing from him. It’s loose, sloppy and careless. That’s fairly uncharacteristic of Yuzu unless he’s sick or hurt, and Javi knows through various friends that his ankle shouldn’t be bothering him all that much anymore. His chest pangs if he lingers too long trying to figure out why Yuzu’s skating carelessly. Skating is everything to him, he lives for skating, so the fact that he’s barely putting in enough effort to pull off what he’s trying to do is… a bit unnerving.

The scratch of metal on ice stops abruptly when Yuzu spots him, halfway across the rink. He stands for a moment, as if he’s taking in the fact that Javi’s just appeared, and Javi’s not quite sure what to do. Does he wave him over? Does he say hi?

Yuzu saves him from the decision by gliding towards him. He stops a few feet from the boards, though, drawing himself tall and proud. Like this, on his skates, he’s a few inches taller than Javi, and it’s almost intimidating.

“Javier,” Yuzu says quietly, but he might as well have yelled it with how pointed his tone is.

“Hi, Yuzu,” Javi says just as soft. Yuzu holds his gaze level, face unreadable but eyes stone cold.

“You’re back.” It’s not a question.

“For now. To train-”

“-for Euros,” Yuzu cuts in smoothly, coldly. Like a blade on ice. “I saw the text.”

“I’m sorry,” Javi whispers, breaking eye contact and scuffing his toe on the ground, imagining it’s a toe pick into ice.

“For what? You owe me nothing,” Yuzu says, voice flat. “I am nothing but rival to you. You do what you need to.”

“Yuzuru, that’s not what I meant,” Javi starts helplessly, internally cursing the fact that he’s not on the ice, can’t get any closer than here.

“It’s okay, Javi. We are rivals. We used to train together. No longer. There is nothing more to say.”

Yuzu turns to skate away, and Javi can’t just let him go like this. Not when he just realized how much Yuzu means to him.

“Wait. Yuzu.”

Yuzu stops, half-turning. “What?”

“I- My skates are in the car. If I get them, can I skate with you?”

Yuzu gestures at the ice. “I don’t see anyone stopping you.” Clinical. Impersonal.

Javi bites his lip to stop the irrational anger from flaring up.

“Thank you.”

He practically sprints back out to the car and grabs his duffle, managing to slow his steps down to a more reasonable pace before he comes within sight of the rink. He laces his skates up quickly, sloppier than he’d normally compete or even train in, but he’s not going for anything big today. He just needs to get on the ice before he loses Yuzu any more than he already has.

Javi strokes around the edge of the rink, slow and easy, as Yuzu starts jumping around, mostly singles with the odd double thrown in. His technique is still as clean and easy as it’s always been, but Javi wonders, yet again, what’s wrong. Yuzu’s never been a fan of singles. Did he manage to hurt himself again? Has he been sleeping enough? The easiest way to find out would be just to ask, but Javi hesitates on that. He doesn’t want to push for information he’s not supposed to know, but at the same time, they used to tell each other everything. Anything from small injuries to food poisoning to headaches, they’d know. Hell, Brian used to ask Javi what was wrong with Yuzu before he’d ask Yuzu himself, and vis versa, because he knows- knew- that they care(d) more about each other’s health than they did their own.  

“Javi,” Yuzu says, startling Javi out of his reflection. He realizes he’s in the middle of some step sequence or other, started completely and utterly out of habit and muscle memory.

“Yeah?”

“You’re skating part of Danny Boy.”

Javi’s not sure whether to be more surprised that of all his programs, he somehow managed to do that one, or that Yuzu actually recognized it in the first place.

“You-”

“I watch you train, remember? I help you put some of the sequences together. I watch the videos on Youtube, to train my eye when I can’t skate during recovery for the ankle. I watch so much of you and Jin and Shoma and Misha, I can probably skate all of the programs.”

“Oh.”

Yuzu snorts, pushing off again and gliding along on one foot. He seems less icy than earlier, pun intended, but Javi’s not risking his chances by inviting himself along.

“You coming?” Yuzu turns, one foot still hovering above the ice as he circles backwards back to Javi.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to follow.” _I would follow you anywhere_ , goes unspoken, and Javi shivers at the thought. He would, though, if he were honest with himself. Fuck.

“Idiot,” Yuzu says, a hint of serious intent under the teasing tone. “You wanted to skate together, right? Step sequence and single jumps is not skating together.” He switches feet and turns forward.

Javi catches up to him and they do a couple laps in silence, side by side. It’s not uncomfortable, per se, but it’s like something’s trying to settle between them with each step. Javi bides his time and waits for Yuzu to speak first, because that’s how they’ve always settled arguments and fights about something trivial. Yuzu almost always resolves first.

“I was hurt,” Yuzu says on their third lap. “I was hurt when you didn’t even stay to say goodbye after the gala. When you never tried to explain the retirement. I had to read through news that you were not really retiring, just for international competition. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…” Javi finds that he really doesn’t have a reason. There wasn’t really time, nor was there an appropriate moment, but at the same time, there were plenty of opportunities he could’ve pulled Yuzu aside to explain. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. There was never really the right time.”

Yuzu sighs, shoulders slumping. He glances over at Javi before drifting closer.

Javi meets his eyes. There’s a whole blur of emotions in them, but mainly, Yuzu just looks a little sad.

_I’m sorry I got mad. I’m sorry I started ignoring you. I’m sorry._

Javi tips his head just a fraction, beckoning Yuzu close enough to rest a hand on his waist, pulling them side by side.

_It’s okay. I forgive you. And I’m sorry too._

Yuzu drops his head onto Javi’s shoulder, closing his eyes and letting Javi guide their steps around the rink.

_Are we good?_

Javi strokes up and down Yuzu’s side reassuringly, and Yuzu sighs again.

_We’re good._

Javi drops his arm from Yuzu’s waist and Yuzu picks his head up, eyes questioning. Javi glances down, knowing Yuzu will follow his gaze to where their hands are barely brushing.

_Okay._

Javi takes Yuzu’s hand in his own and Yuzu smiles at him, soft and sweet.

_Good._

Javi smiles back.

_Good._

-fin.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you got emotional at any point reading this like i did writing it asjkfdkdsjks


End file.
